


shattered dinner plates

by kogxnes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Aromantic Character, Break Up, Cheating, Fighting, M/M, Post Break Up, Trans Character, aro suga, im sorry, physical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kogxnes/pseuds/kogxnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>daichi is so in love and suga is so tired</p>
            </blockquote>





	shattered dinner plates

**Author's Note:**

> quick lil tw. 
> 
> -there is some swearing!  
> -arguing scenes  
> -asahi is a trans girl! (not a tw but i thought it was important 2 add bc i use she/her pronouns for her)  
> -theres implied smut  
> -words like slut are used  
> -ITS PRETENTIOUS AND SAD  
> -i havent read thru it for mistakes!  
> -DUMB ENDING BTW I DIDNT KNOW HOW 2 END IT  
>  
> 
> also an important note- suga is a trans boy! in his first year he presented as female which is why there's all that stuff about the girls uniform, and he transitioned in his second year!

it first happened the day asahi asked them about monogamy.

"are you exclusive?" she'd asked. innocent enough question. most new couples would nod- _of course_ we're monogamous. honeymoon phase and all that. and daichi did just that, unaware that next to him suga was fidgeting, his ears red and his hands pressed firmly together.

"we haven't talked about it yet, actually!" he'd given a smile- tried to make it a sweet smile, the kind he gave to people when he was trying to reassure them. tried to make it a smile that'd make him look like a boy who definitely hadn't been fucking anyone other than daichi.  
asahi had gone red herself, nodded and excused herself as soon as she could, clearly uncomfortable with what tension she'd accidentally caused. daichi had stayed quiet, standing up and continuing to practice.

they didn't speak about it again till they were alone after practice. suga was getting changed in the locker rooms while daichi packed up. daichi went and stood in the doorway of the locker rooms, not exactly watching suga in a weird way. it wasn't weird if he was your boyfriend, right?

_suga was so beautiful. everything he did seemed to be on purpose- he was clumsy but never with anything that mattered. he never fumbled over his words, never stuttered or said the wrong thing. somehow just knew how to make people happy without making them uncomfortable. daichi had been jealous of him since their first year. suga was different then; different name, different hair, different everything. he had a sharp tongue then- knew how to get what he wanted, knew how to play with people's emotions till he got what he wanted. used to wear the girls uniform, which was mostly because everyone around him thought he was a girl. daichi knew he loved him then. wasn't sure whether he even liked girls or not but he knew he liked suga. he asked him out before they'd even had a solid conversation- the words 'i'm in love with you' spilling out like rotten teeth the moment suga had looked like he was going to talk to him. suga had looked a little surprised at first, he was only going to ask him for a pen, they were in the middle of class after all. daichi had gone very red and had excused himself to the bathrooms straight away. it took until their second year- when suga was the suga he knew now. when suga started wearing the boys uniform and cut his hair and changed his name. daichi still didn't know if he liked boys or not but he knew he liked suga. loved him, even. suga joined the volleyball team that year, the volleyball team daichi was also a part of, and so now daichi couldn't avoid it anymore. had to talk to him. from there, they were best friends. best friends still sounded juvenile, but how else do you describe it? they were in sync- they knew each other like no one else did. suga brought out parts of daichi that he didn't even know he had inside him. suga knew exactly what to say to make daichi talk for hours, and he never lost interest, never told him to be quiet or changed the subject. suga was the best thing to happen to him. their third year, things changed a little. daichi became captain, added responsibility. they were both busy helping the first years through their dramas. they were always busy. suga would laugh sometimes, joking about when they stopped being teenagers and became parents. but he never laughed as much as he used to._

daichi had asked him out a week before they started school. suga had gone a very specific shade of red and smiled, nodding. they were at school now- it'd been a week since they'd gotten together. that surely wasn't enough time to sleep with other boys, was it? who the fuck sleeps with boys on a wednesday night? suga is much more practical than that.  
"oh my god, you scared me. what're you doing, watching me getting changed? you're so weird sometimes." suga laughed, going over to him and kissing his nose and distracting him from his thoughts. he'd forgotten that he was standing in the doorway. god, he must look like such a creep.  
"o-oh, fuck, no, i didn't mean to! just kinda spaced out," his nose had gone red and he was playing with his hands. "u-um, i came to talk to you about what happened earlier? with asahi? uh, what was that? because i know we never really talked about it but i just sort of assumed that we were exclusive? because most people are, yknow? it's fine if you've slept with other people, uh, but i.. would like it if you didn't?" 

suga had laughed, and for once in his life, it made daichi feel sick. "i haven't slept with anyone else, don't worry. we haven't even slept together yet. you don't need to worry so much! we're okay. we're exclusive and we're okay," as if to prove his point, he kissed daichi's cheek and walked past him. daichi was left more than a little confused and flustered.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

the next time it happened, they were in daichi's bedroom. daichi's parents were gone for the weekend. it'd been six months since the whole monogamy ordeal. which also means they'd been together for six months. it'd started with a movie- suga never usually made it through an entire movie. he was indecisive, and usually changed it halfway through, insisting that it was going to get boring, and that he wanted to stop watching it at an interesting scene.  
now that he thinks about it, daichi thinks that this probably should have given him warning about how their relationship was going to end, and what kind of person suga really was. but he was seventeen- seventeen and so in love with suga that it hurt. so he let him change the movie as much as he liked. this time, though, suga changed things but sitting himself in daichi's lap and kissing him. it'd started with a kiss, and after some fumbling and a lot of reassurance from suga, it'd ended with a very out of breath daichi mumbling 'i'm in love with you' as he flopped onto the mattress. suga was red, and sweating and his hair was sticking up at angles that probably didn't exist before that night. suga pulled on his underwear and pretended that he hadn't heard him.  
"suga, i'm in love with you," he said louder, looking at him.  
suga shut his eyes, pretending he was falling asleep.  
"i love you so much, ah, it scares me sometimes, scares me how much i love you and how much i would do for you. you're so beautiful, suga. you're so pretty, but you're also pretty with the way you talk and the way you do things, it makes my head hurt just thinking about the fact that someone like you exists, and loves me back an-"  
suga had cut him off. "i don't love you back, when did i say that?" his eyes were open again and he was looking right at him, making eye contact that made daichi want to hide for the rest of his life.  
"i just... assumed? we've been dating six months? we just did... we just did that.."  
"you think that because i slept with you and because we're dating that i automatically have to love you back? you think that me being in love with you is a given? that because you love me, i must love you back, right?" he'd raised his voice and had gotten out of bed, standing up and looking at him. "i don't fucking love you? i don't fucking love you, daichi. i'm not in love with you." he spat, looking angrier than daichi had ever seen him.  
"why.. why are you yelling at me about it? i'm sorry for assuming. i-it's fair enough, we're young, ah, it's not your fault that i'm hopeless and that i love you and..."  
suga nodded. "you're right. it's not my fault. can we go to sleep now?"

so daichi slept cuddled up to him, as if everything was normal, as if his tiny 17 year old heart wasn't breaking.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

they're twenty now. 20 years old, and daichi's 20 year old heart is still breaking. he doesn't know how long exactly it takes for a heart to finish breaking and just be broken. he imagined it'd finally end the day he admitted to himself that this wasn't healthy and left suga. but he couldn't see that happening any time soon.

they lived together now. they had two bedrooms. suga had told him it'd probably be best if they """both had their own spaces to relax in""". daichi had bitten his tongue when it occurred to him that he was most relaxed around suga.

they still fucked, though. and daichi was fine with it. he was fine with it because it was suga, and he loved him, and he'd do anything to be close to him. what he wasn't fine with was that they only ever cuddled after sex. they didn't cuddle on the couch anymore, if daichi tried to initiate it, suga would probably take it as a sexual thing. 20 years old. 3 years together. daichi loved him so much. suga still hadn't even said the word love in his direction without malice in his voice.

"suga?" they were doing the dishes together. daichi washed them, suga dried them. it was one of their routines that had started off cute and domestic but was now a chore that meant he had to spend 10 minutes in uncomfortable silence next to suga. he fumbled over conversation topics in his head but never let any of them leave his mouth.

"yes?" was the reply. his voice wasn't sweet anymore. it was sweet on the phone to friends, was gentle when he was on the phone to his mum. but now it was only ever that bored, monotone tone for daichi. daichi had tried to not let it affect him. but his heart still ached whenever he heard suga speak.

"do you love me? it's just you've never actually said it and.." daichi was fumbling with his words again, but out loud this time. there was a smash. suga had dropped the mug he was drying. it was his favourite mug. the mug they'd bought on a date together. daichi tried to shake the symbolism of that out of his head.

"d-did i say something wrong?" daichi looked at him. suga's hands were shaking.

"why the fuck can't you just let things be?" suga had spat at him, his voice laced with anger and disgust and so much fucking pity that daichi wanted to throw up. "you can never let things go, daichi! you have to keep pushing, pushing and pushing till you get an answer! what do you want me to say?! do you want the fucking truth?!" he was yelling now. "i don't fucking love you! i can't! i'm never! going! to love you! the sooner you get that through your stupid fucking head the better off you'll be! everyone warned you about me, didn't they?! when we were first years, after you embarrassed yourself in front of our entire maths class! they said _hey, don't love a girl like her, she'll use you for whatever you have and then leave_! is that what they said? did they call me a _slut_ , too? did they call me a _bitch_? did they tell you about how i never let them kiss me?" he pushed daichi so that he hit the wall. "did they tell about how i always made them compliment me? did they tell you about how _sad_ i am? _miserable slut_ , they probably said, _good for a night but she'll fuck with your head so much that it's not even worth it!_ " he was yelling loud enough that the neighbours could definitely hear now.

"i didn't mean to upset you, please calm down?" daichi tried. suga threw a plate at the wall. it shattered into a dozen pieces and landed at daichi's feet. suga was pacing the room now.

"calm down... fucking calm down? i've been calm for three fucking years, listening to you and your bullshit. your stupid rambling about how you can't wait to live with me, listening to you tell me i'm beautiful, tell me that i'm so nice and kind and sweet, that you've never met anyone like me before. i can't... i can't be that person, daichi! i'm not that person!"

"what person are you, then?" daichi mumbled.

"surely you're not that stupid! surely you can take me off the fucking _pedestal_ you put me on for five minutes and see me as an actual person! i've fucked up, daichi! a lot! more than you ever have! i'm fucking miserable!"

"you haven't fucked up." daichi said.

"don't give me that bullshit, daichi. fucking indulge me. you know what i've done wrong. you've kept all of it inside you for years, you've let it rot and stay inside you and fucking destroy you so just fucking let it out!"

"you..." his voice was weak.

"come on, daichi. if you don't say it i'm going to!"

"you... you always steal the sheets. you never kiss me in the mornings because of my breath. you never cuddle me unless we've just had sex. you make me cook dinner even though you know i'm terrible at it, and then you complain about how bad it is. you turn off all of my favourite movies. you never listen to my jokes anymore. you tell our friends embarrassing things about me even though you know i hate it. you never put money towards the pizza with me but you eat all of the best pieces. you break things when you're angry. you never text back. you bite your nails all the time even though you know i think it's gross. you use my conditioner even though you have your own. you flirt with all of my friends. you think that sleeping with people is the best way to get what you want, but you forget that you're not a pretty 16 year old girl anymor-"suga cut him off by hitting him.

_"i was never a fucking girl."_

daichi looked at him for a moment before nodding and continuing. "you admitted to cheating on me with your boss so that you'd get promoted. you've never said i love you back. you cheated on me in high school. you think that love and sex are separate for everybody just because they're separate for you."

"love and sex are separate. you loved me long before we slept together. you can't blame your shitty decisions on fucking me." suga said, his voice calm.

those three sentences snapped something in daichi. "you know... i actually can't? fucking do this anymore? i can't put up with you thinking love is some pathetic feeling that makes people weak? i'm not weak. i'm not weak. i'm tired of this. i'm so fucking tired of this. i don't want this anymore."

suga smiled- a disgusting, sickly smile that daichi was surprised ever made him happy.

" _finally_. i've been waiting for you to say that."

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

suga moved out a week later. daichi finally understood what it was like to no longer be quietly falling apart, to not be discretely breaking anymore. he was broken now. 


End file.
